Denied Hatred for Myself

I never thought I would say that, but, I guess, I’ve hated myself. Even as I’m typing this I cannot believe the fact that I am the person who is saying it.

My whole life I’ve been a pretty fit girl, I had dance practices at least five times a week. I’ve never been worried about what I eat. Then, even after I quit dancing, which lasted for about seven years, I started playing a sport. Since I moved to the US, I have taken a break from any physical activities due to the adjustments in school/country in general. I went to the gym to use the thread mill from time to time. I obviously felt the changes in my body, but most of it was because of me being a teenager. I continued playing my sport, joined the school team, and now I’m playing off-season. Sounds pretty normal, right?

But this past weekend I came to the realization. I’ve been practicing with my dad (you are probably thinking that I’m some kind of an obsessive athlete : D I’m definitely not, I just do it for fun). I was kind of in a bad mood, maybe just because it was that kind of day. After being disappointed with my playing, I, unintentionally, blew off on my dad. And, in addition to that, I started crying. I realized how disappointed I was in myself without any logical reason. My dad was probably in shock, but he never showed it and just talked to me.

I’ve never told myself that I hated my body, my appearance, or myself in general, mostly because there was nothing to hate. I’ve also heard stories about people who did unpleasant things to themselves because they did not like the way the looked. But that sunny evening something clicked in my head and all the thoughts about perfect models and their workouts had fallen on my brain. And I could not see myself among them. This is the worst thing you can ever feel. Something you do not need to feel.

Nobody is perfect. All the Instagram posts we see with the perfect families, healthy kale smoothies, neat clothes, and Scandinavian-styled bathrooms – we put them in a single story. There’s no realization of the real world, where you are late for school or where you eat ready-to-cooked food for dinner sometimes. The so-called perfect lives you see on the internet are not like this every minute of the day. It’s just a picture which can make our imagination finish the story.

It is a very strong post, and I hope that you guys can understand what I am and other people are going through. Your life is YOURS. It’s not anybody else’s. Change it or leave it, the main advice is to enjoy it. Do not try to copy anyone’s lifestyle. Go and unfollow those kinds of accounts that make you feel like you do not fit in.

Thank you for reading and understanding. Share love and positivity!

xx wb

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9 thoughts on “Denied Hatred for Myself

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  1. I definitely agree- you do what you need to do, and you shouldn’t measure up your own life against anybody else’s. You are perfect the way you are, without trying to be anybody else:) thank you so much for sharing this with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have sooo many things that I don’t like about me hahaha. But it is weird, it is not like I compare to other people directly, I just stare at me and detail all of those little things I do not like… I keep trying to accept them but I can’t seem to do it 😝😝

    Liked by 1 person

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